Jibber Jabber

Fast

2010-02-11T10:27:00.001-08:00

Here I am at another coffee shop. Stuck. Alone. The usual me.

I know I should be studying, but instead I have to write something. ANYTHING. I have papers to write, things to study yet I need a little break. Since I have a cough right now, its not really advisable for me to smoke a ciggy now.

Things are different now. I’m different now. Added responsibility, rearrangement of priorities. Seriously, I just want some peace and quiet for once. These days, I’ve been sleeping through everything. I want to wake up from this stupor.

Honestly I haven’t been doing my best in class. I’m really distracted with sorority work and org work. I know I’m a student foremost. Somehow I really enjoy learning more about other people, learning in the “real” world. It’s like practicing for my future life. I see other people everyday and I am amazed at how much I am learning from them, things I am really lucky to have the opportunity to know at this early stage. I guess a lot of my friends don’t understand me right now because they haven’t been experiencing what I have been going through. If you’re not in my shoes, you wouldn’t really get it.

I’m not that princess anymore, that bratty little girl who gets everything that she wants with a snap of her fingers. This is the most humbling experience of my life. See? You don’t get it. Things are different now. I’ve learned so much about respect, about priorities. I appreciate every free time that I have and am continually hungry for work. I feel useless or without purpose if I’m not doing anything. I enjoy the little things as much. It’s easier for me to communicate with other people. One of the things I really love right now is how I understand the thinking of other people (ESPECIALLY MY DAD) in the Greek letter society.

Everyday is such a blur. Things are going too fast for me. There are a million things I want to do but I only have 24 hours in a day. To list them each down would take forever. I don’t know where to start. I’m really scared right now. I used to think I was invulnerable. Lately I’ve been feeling invincible. It’s like I know that things will eventually fall into place. Hence, there is no use worrying about the little things.

Life Changing

2010-01-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

Today I know my life's going to change.

I don't know how, I just know it would. Mixed emotions. I'm nervous, excited, happy, sad, scared, ready all at the same time. Hopefully I would be better. I'm in it for the journey, for the experience.

Wonder how I would survive the next few weeks. I know it would simply breeze by. I'm hoping for the best come what may.

I had one of the funniest and craziest weekend. Last friday I went to Power Hour's New Year's Revolution at Empire Superclub. I was so drunk but I clearly remember that I had fun. I got to kiss the person I wanted to and I realized that he's not for me. Pau had to ward off ugly manyaks from my drunken self.

As told by Pau:

"Guido, I don't want to fucking walk!" -Mara

Guy grabs me and starts dancing with me.

Pau: Moe! Sino yan? Kilala mo ba yan?

Moe: No. Kala ko kilala nyo!

Pau grabs me and shoos the guys away.

Pau: Mara wag ka dyan ang papangit!

HAHAHA

Guy walks up to me

Guy: Hi my name is...

Pau: Doesn't matter. (whispers) PANGIT!!!

Okay I felt really guilty for missing most of Abby's 18th bday last Saturday. Tequila night was supposed to get me uber drunk. FAIL. I feel like an old lady. As soon as I got home from Markit Seminar and then OFC MMA thing, I dressed up. I told myself I'd rest for like 5 minutes because I only had 4 hours of sleep. FAIL!!! I woke up and it was 1130 and I missed my part as 18 shots. GOD. I hurried up and followed, I wanted to cry. I really wish Abs would forgive me :( Still, I had so much fun! :D

So there. I can't wait for the following week. Time to step up.

Ever Thine. Ever Mine. Ever Ours.

2010-01-07T16:42:00.000-08:00

Bio1. I only have one class today. I'm wondering when would be the next time I could be THIS free. Last night was spent watching scary movies with Nonoy and crying over Sex and the City the movie. I was trying to delay writing my paper for FN11 and studying for next week. I'm trying to finish as much as I can knowing that I'd be hellah busy for the next two weeks. Tonight and tomorrow I will enjoy the free life as much as I can.

I want to go back to the gym and try to live a healthy lifestyle again. But I seem to have a hard time cutting back on the ciggys and putting the gym back to my schedule. I also need to prettify myself. I need a wax and to have my nails done.

I'm so guilty. I'm turning MIA again in JMA even if I really don't want to. I don't have time to waste in the tambayan. I'm always at home! If not, I'm hanging out with old friends again. Really, I have to expand my network and try to be more friendly.

Going back to Sex and the City, I just love that movie and the series.

"Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories. But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love." - Carrie Bradshaw

I want to be a big pile of love today :)

Playing around

2010-01-05T02:29:00.000-08:00

Have fun, asshole! I know you're going to regret everything in the end. Now, I don't regret anything. Thank God it's over. I used to think I was on the losing end, felt so sorry for myself. I used to think I was lucky to have met you. I used to think one day, we could be. Fuck you. I hope more guys beat your sorry ass. You think you're all that! Excuse you and your superficial existence. You're a shame. I'm embarrassed to say I've dated you.

Now I can say that you mean NOTHING to me.

I'll be better than the best. I'll date better guys. I won't settle for anything less than what I think I deserve. Thank you! You gave me even more determination to improve myself. I guess you don't know me at all and I had wrong assumptions of you. You'll come begging me to have you back. And I'll never ever come running to you. One day it will hit you, one big giant slap on the face and a smack on the head.

Problema mo yan.

2010-01-04T07:52:00.001-08:00

Sobrang sakit. Kanina nagkwento ako sa isang taong mahal na mahal ko. Sinabi ko kung ano yung nangyayari sa akin, kung anong mga iniisip ko, ano hinaing ko. Iniisip ko syempre na pakikinggan niya ako. Matapos sabihin lahat ng nangyari, humingi ako ng payo.

"Problema mo yan."

Ang gandang sagot. Salamat. Maraming salamat. Napakalaking tulong.

Sana sinabi mo na lang sa akin na ayaw mo na akong pakinggan, na lumabas na ako sa kwarto mo. Tatahimik naman ako pag sinabi mo. Pasensya na at gusto kong isiksik sarili ko sa mundo mo. Di ko sinasadya. Dati rati akala ko kasama kita sa lahat. Dati akala ko di mo ko iiwan. Dati akala ko andyan ka para sa akin sa parehong paraan na andyan ako para sayo.

Mali pala. Pasensya na.

Salamat na rin at ginising mo ako. Isang malaking sampal sa mukha.

What color is my aura?

2010-01-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

yellow

Yellows are the sunniest, happiest and most childlike personalities in the color-spectrum. "All I want to do is have some fun!" is a song which is a wonderful representation of Yellows and shows their easy going, light and sunny character. These playful people have a wonderful sense of humor. They love to laugh and intimately enjoy life from many different angles. They advocate relaxation, the pure joy of life and live spontaneously. They are always reminding other people to not take life too seriously and to always look on the bright side. Life and work should both be enjoyed.

I took this facebook test just because. Hahaha. Wonder if this is true.

Jump Start

2010-01-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

2010.

Where do I start?

Coming home from Hongkong made me realize that vacation mode is over. :( Time for a reality check. And as the list of things to do kept on piling on, the stress is slowly building up. I will not even rant about what I have to do! It's crazy. I don't know where to start, what to do first. I remember my Grade school math teacher and adviser (that bitch knew what she was talking about) telling me that I didn't know how to prioritize. Okay. So it's true.

I won't even make a New Year's Resolution. I know I'd do my own thing regardless. See? I don't even listen to myself. I have this very bad habit of listening to other people's advice, asking around. But in the end, I decide what I think is best (or not..) for me. Whatever makes me happy. Now that it's 2010, I believe what would make me absolutely happy is if I up my grades and bring my A game when it comes to work.

I apologize in advance to my friends. I believe that I won't get to spend as much time as I could or would like to for now. I have to get my priorities in order. Do some soul searching. I have to be self-centered for now and concentrate on myself. I have a million things I have to do, things that I have to do by myself. Maybe I need your help though, even if I don't ask for it.

Packing

2009-12-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

Really hate packing. I don't know what to bring and I'm scared I might forget something real important (like my toothbrush or underwear or make up!) Been meaning to pack since 7 hours ago.

1st attempt: FAIL - checked mail, facebooked.

2nd attempt: FAIL - fell asleep after telling myself I'd "rest my eyes"

3rd attempt: FAIL - family dinner downstairs with the Orosa's.

4th attempt: FAIL - chatted with Pau, Mica and Julia.

5th attempt: yes.. ANOTHER FAIL - blogged about failing to pack.

hahaha! I really don't get anything done. Haven't sorted out my clothes yet. I'm really irritated that all my winter clothes are in some box right now being shipped all the way from Europe. I miss my lovely boots. Oh well. I'd buy a new pair in Hongkong. I shouldn't forget to buy Patty's liquid eyeliner in blue and purple. Plus a new memory card for my camera and an external hard drive.

I guess one reason why I don't feel like packing is because I don't want to leave. I actually want to greet the 2010 in the Philippines. I bet the parties are gonna be WILD! I can tell they'd be LEGENDARY. Too bad I'd be spending it in Hongkong Disneyland. I'll be in the Happiest Place on Earth with my siblings.

I'd miss you :)

BTW! I stalked Attorney. He attended this wedding and I thought, wow, in 5 years, I'd be attending weddings also. Probably helping one of my friends plan it as well. Or even planning my own! whaddup. Hahaha! Time really does fly.

ALSO! Pau was telling me about the time me and Drich were supposed to talk but I ditched him or something. Totally forgot about that incident. Now that I remember it, I was really a bitch. Kupal talaga ako. Paguio was right. I'm not proud of what I did in the past and one day I want to really talk to Drich about what happened and hope he'll forgive me.

I'm gathering my thoughts and packing 2009 in a great big box. Sorting out what to leave behind, what to remember to bring and what to make better when I get back for 2010.

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.. :) I CAN'T WAIT!

Late nights

2009-12-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

I Love You, Goodbye.

In the spirit of being Filipino, me and my mom watched that movie together at Gateway. It was okay I guess, but then it could have been better. I bet Mano Po 6 is better. I don't think I can get to watch it though. We're leaving for HongKong on the 28th.

Last night I met up with Pau, Judo Ged, Pags, Theresa and Becca for a few drinks at the Rivera's. It was pretty much chill but it was cut short. We made a deal to see each other this evening but then knowing me and Pau, we never really follow through with plans. Instead, I picked her up and went to the Fort Strip to meet up Ivan and his friends. Pau's been meaning to introduce him to me a long time ago. The guys left and we waited for Malco at Amber.

Something bad happened! MY PHONE GOT STOLEN! It's the first time I ever lost a phone. It was just in my pocket and I felt someone brush my side. *POOF* My phone wasn't there anymore! Thank God it was just my smart phone. I can't bear to loose my globe sim. I'd die! :( No point in sulking the rest of the night and ruin other people's night as well. Simple as that, I learned that I had to let it go. I did tell Security but it was a slim chance to get it back. :( Sadness. Oh well..

I swear, I still don't know how to dance to house music. I better search in YouTube if they have tutorials or something haha. It was pretty much chill all night. Malco made it less boring. I love our threesome hahaha! We can't post pictures or else Sweetheart might get mad.

Now, it's 5:45 in the morning and I just got home. CRAZY NIGHT. I'm just trying to make the most out of 2009 in Manila. Another first for me. Can't wait for Hongkong to meet up my sister :)

Pictures of You

2009-12-26T00:11:00.000-08:00

Today your cousin posted pictures of you and your family. You guys looked so happy together. I can tell you enjoyed your vacation. I know how much they are important to you and how much you love them.

I'm happy for you.

I hope you got your Christmas Wish.

I watched the Indecent Proposal. It really hit me when Diana (Demi Moore) said...

"If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with."

It took me forever to move on, to forget, to let go. It's been almost a year since the break up. Mica, one of my best friends recently broke up with her boyfriend. They were good together. I actually cried when she told me about it. I loved them together. One time, she was asking me how long should she grieve over it. She asked me how long it took me to get over Don. I didn't know what to say because it took forever. I wanted to get over it as quickly as possible. Like her, she wants to just STOP. I had to tell her that she should take her time. After all, time heals all wounds.

True enough, here I am. I told myself before that I'm okay. When people ask how I am, I tell them that I'm happy. I try to be. Happiness is a state of mind. Or so what I've been told by my High school English Teacher. I haven't forgotten.

One day, Mica, you're going to just wake up and realize that you're okay. And trust me, it's one of the most wonderful feelings in the world!

It's The Most...

2009-12-25T00:34:00.000-08:00

I left my old blog because I felt that I didn't really know how to continue posting. I figured I needed a change. I just want to ramble with the thought that no one's really reading what I'm writing (even though I know that someone could stumble upon this blog one day). Mostly, this is for my own sanity. I'm writing to an unknown audience not caring whether they'd like it or not. In fact, I don't even know if I have readers. Really, this is just for me. I missed writing. I missed sharing my thoughts. I missed having an opinion.

So it's Christmas 2009.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

or so the song goes. I have this friend, Mixie. We were talking about how Christmas was near and how I can feel it coming. "Excited na ako! I LOVE Christmas!", I told her. "O, talaga? Ako nga ayoko eh. Nakaka pressure maging masaya.", she said. That time I just dismissed her comment with a laugh. Deep down, it really hit me.

It's not the perfect Christmas. My sister isn't in the Philippines, instead, she opted to spend Christmas in Madrid, Spain. My father says he's in "Tagaytay". I don't think so. I bet he's spending the day with his other family. I really admire his talent for avoiding questions such as where he is, what's he up to, etc. etc. I hope I get to meet the other family and I hope I'm ready. I also miss my lola Pacing.

When my mother asked me, Noy and Kate what our Christmas color would be this year, we all agreed to wear black and something metallic. Probably, it's a sign of grieving hahaha.

I got to finish the 9 mornings of Simbang Gabi with my mother. They say that when you finish going to mass, God will grant you your wish. I prayed for true love, for good grades and for my loved ones. That's what I'm really lacking in my life right now - prayer.

Everyone's busy downstairs preparing for the party later. I guess I should suck it up and try to enjoy the holiday spirit. After all, it's Christmas. There are so many other reasons to celebrate this day!